hello ladies
not sure how i am feeling at the moment physically i am starting to ache feel tired and god does this baby have a bad wind problem
my tummy is just talking all the time when i had an early scan the sonographer said she couldnt see through the mist or gas in my tummy how embarrassing, but i still feel absolutely nothing, this time i pray to god third time lucky, a healthy pregnancy, no insanity at the end for me and my life becomes less stressfull but i alreadly know how stressed i am, i have had kidney infection, suspected eptopic pregnancy worries, boss being a real sh5t at work making me incredibly stressed so i have ask for a transfer but if i take the transfer then that is a ??4000 paycut and still all the hours god sends just in a different store, i am worry ing about money how i am going to live i have been signed off with kidney infection for 8 days so thats alreadly a??400 loss in wage for just a week and they said its more then likely another week off after that. i feel sick sometimes but its still so early about 9/10 weeks so i have no idea whats happening. i still feel nothing at the moment for this pregnancy which i know is truely selfish but all i see is pain and fear urrounding pregnancy i have been reasured i will be given the highest care and nothing please god will happen like it did before , but its still effecting me i work up from a knightmare this morning where i was running around with a premature baby and trying to hide the baby because someone was going to take the baby off me and they were trying to sedate me so in the end i gave the baby to my nephew to lock away in the toilet with him, crazy dreams but built on some of my reality so as horrible as it seems its stuck with me making me feel bad, but my perinatel nurses have said they will keep me ok and i will never be treated like i was before but then part of me doubts myself and thinks god maybe i need them to watch me like a hawk just in case my mum and sister now know and want me to tell all the family when i just dont and both said why werent you careful, well stupidly i know i never thought it would happen to me, both me and simon barely touch each other so the one time we did and this. how do i start getting my head around any of this i feel awful admitting this but i feel i dont want this and god strike me for saying that cause if something goes wrong then i know it will be my fault for thinking that but how do i feel positive and blessed with such a gift god i know i am rambling like a mad women but how should i approach this write down al my fears and adress them one by one.i just need a head transplant then everything would be brilliant if i was not me then life would be so much easier.
sorry this wasnt mean to be a downer its just i cant evern admit to myself whats going on
lisaxxx
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