Getting really nervous now

[mel - jakesangelmummy]

Josh is starting nursery in 15 days  I'm not too nervous about him starting although I will miss him! He is so excited about it I'm not all that worried about him I reckon he will love it. I'm just worried about how I will react on his first day. Not only is it something I missed out on with Jake but Josh's first day of nursery should also be Jake's first day in P1! I should be walking them to school together. Jake should be telling Josh how much fun he will have, or laughing at him if he gets upset when I leave him.

I am grateful to have one of my son's here and to have the opportunity to go through all these first's with him but it's just so bitter sweet. I try so hard not to compare the two of them. They are both their own little men, but at times like these its difficult not to imagine what it would be like with all my children here.

It's just over 2 months til Jakes 5th birthday but I so much to 'get through' between now and then that I can't even think about it yet. I'm worried it will hit me really hard this year because I will so busy during the run up to it (including possibly giving birth the day before the 5th anniversary of his death)

This has turned into a proper rant about a bit of everything but I just have so much going through my mind that I can't even make sense of it. Trying to take one day at a time but just wanting to fast forward to november 

[suzanne]

  mel, all these milestones are heartbreaking. i found it awful hard when caitlin would have been due to start school. as you say just take things a day at a time. you have your hands full with everything going on at the minute. josh will absolutely love nursery. it will take more out of you than him. when katie-anne started i was clinging to her when she just wanted to run off and play     

[mum2evan+dyfan]

it is so hard.
so hard not to compare and imagine what our angels should be doing as each of our living children do things.
makes things that should be so happy as you said bittersweet.
i'm sure Jake will be there with Josh to enjoy his first day.

Kathxxx

[kimbobt84-BensMummy]

Mel, all us mums on here must be made of something special to get through what we do. The bittersweet milestones i relate to completely-they feel like being physically kicked in the heart. We have to be both happy and sad, proud and guilty, wondering and yearning, past and future, SO many emotions and you lady have your hands so, so full! Just keep talking to us and don't bottle anything up x

[***clairelouise-finlays mummy ***]

  big hugs babe , i think we all relate to the milestones and it is like kim says its like being punched in the heart v, it is so hard for us to go thro life with the what ifs ect but we are strong and we plod on big hugs