Olliemam+1
My Precious Angel
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xxxxx.
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« on: February 15, 2010, 10:48:32 PM » |
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Happy 3rd Birthday Guy and Alastair Gilly thinking of you all Take care Dawn xxxxx.  |
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mel - jakesangelmummy
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« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2010, 11:19:11 PM » |
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Joanne, I will be thinking of you, Guy and Alastair tomorrow. I hope both of your boys have a lovely birthday. I really wish they were spending it together, here with you. Hope tomorrow is peaceful for you |
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kimbobt84-BensMummy
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My Little Man Ben 10/05/07-04/06/07
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« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2010, 08:14:51 AM » |
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Happy Birthday Guy and Alastair. Thinking of both your boys on such a bittersweet day for you Gilly. I try to celebrate both birthdays and have the birthday as a 'happy day' and the anniversary as the 'sad day', to try and overcome the guilt of being happy on Ben's birthday/sad on Holly's etc. Mel's post really got me when she said she wished they were spending their birthday here together-so do i Joanne, it's so wrong they're not.
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ConniesMammy.
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my little cherub.x.
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« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2010, 10:23:15 AM » |
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Happy birthday Guy and Alistair,i too wish you were celebrating for them both.
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mum2evan+dyfan
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« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2010, 10:44:11 AM » |
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thinking of you
Kathxxx
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GillyF
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My lark. My angel. My boy.
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« Reply #5 on: February 16, 2010, 01:22:43 PM » |
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Hi Ladies,
Thank you all for taking the trouble to post.
We had our first birthday party on Sunday, and I took time out to do my usual trip to the cemetery in the morning. It was so hard, and then later I was so busy I didn't have time to do much thinking until I put Alastair's cake down in front of him. I had a big lump in my throat and ache in the pit of my stomach.
Last night I was bathing Alastair and I was still wearing the locket I have with Guy's hair in. It has glasss in the back, and he pointed to it and said, 'That's a spider!' Just kept back the tears.
Today I'll go down to the cemetery at the time they were born. I'll cry. I just wish I could scream too.
Life could, and should, have been so different. For us all.
best wishes,
Joanne
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Belles Mummy
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« Reply #7 on: February 16, 2010, 01:57:46 PM » |
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Lots of love thinking of you xx
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Claire-Elliesmummy
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« Reply #10 on: February 16, 2010, 10:34:28 PM » |
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 to Guy and Alistair. Thinking of you today Joanne Love Claire xxxx
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Mummy to Ellie Mae born 29/9/09 @ 25+5. Fell asleep on 7/10/09 aged 7 days xxxx You are not allowed to view links. Register or Login |
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Bretts mummy Emma
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« Reply #11 on: February 17, 2010, 12:55:09 AM » |
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 I missed this Joanne Thinking of you
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GillyF
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My lark. My angel. My boy.
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« Reply #12 on: February 19, 2010, 02:00:50 PM » |
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Hi ladies,
Sorry I haven't replied earlier. Weds was my birthday, and everything caught up with me a bit. Plus I've come down with a rotten cold.
My boys were born at 4:30 and 4:40 in the afternoon, and Guy died 8 days later at 12:30 in the afternoon.
I've been thinking far too much about neonatal care these past few months, and part of me thinks that all the advances in technology aren't always a good thing. Guy was transferred 70 miles away to the nearest hospital with a surgical unit, and if you know what it's like to have a very sick baby transferred you know how awful it is. The long lines going into their heads etc.. Well a big part of me wishes we had let him go in peace, that we had never put him through all that we did. He suffered immensely, and in days gone by that would not have happened.
You grasp at the chance of saving your child because you have to. But it has a cost, for your baby and for you. And it's not easy to live with that knowledge and trauma as well as the loss.
best wishes,
Joanne
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Jen
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« Reply #13 on: February 19, 2010, 04:50:41 PM » |
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Hi Joanne
They say that hindsight is wonderful but I don't think that is necessarily true. You made a decision that gave Guy the best chance of survival. You should never regret that decision. You made it without the benefit of hindsight and in the hope and probably expectation that the transfer would have saved Guy's life.
If you hadn't made that decision at that time and allowed him to go in peace, you would now be torturing yourself with the opposite - should you have given him the chance of life.
There are no wrong decisions. I really believe that. Each parent, faced with that dilemma, makes a decision based on what they think is best for the child. No matter what way the decision goes parents will always be left with the "if onlys".
Don't be so hard on yourself for giving Guy a chance. You don't deserve it.
Jen
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GillyF
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My lark. My angel. My boy.
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« Reply #14 on: February 21, 2010, 02:08:33 PM » |
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Thanks, Jen.
It's impossible not to go over and over the time you had with your baby, and I'm haunted by the experience of being in that really busy NICU and the sight of Guy as he died. How terrible he looked in comparison with a few days earlier. I so remember talking with the surgeons and saying I didn't know what was the right thing to do. His post mortem showed we did the right thing letting him go. But still I feel so guilty and just wish I'd spared him some of the pain he endured.
Take care,
J.
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